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Wednesday, 26 June 2013 01:57

Living in fear

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My name is Rob and I feel like I am losing the battle with my anxiety and panic attacks. I have had social anxiety disorder and panic attacks for the last 30 years and have been able to maintain a close to normal life style. Over the last five years though it has been an exhasting battle that has taken it's toll on me. I was in an accident and crippled my left ankle making it very difficult to walk and limits my mobility to a few blocks.

Because of my anxiety and panic it makes it impossible to rely on plublic transit. Over the last two years my condition has become so bad I had to be admitted to a hostpital for hypertension and panic attacks twice. The second time I lost partial vision in my right eye and has never returned. Now when I have a panic attack this is the first thing  I worry about losing sight in my other eye. A month later I was back in hospital with a heart attack.

It was only a few years ago I was still working out every day and had an active life style. Now I am a borderline agoraphobic and only leave my place for maybe thirty minutes a day and some days I never step outside. This only adds to my condition, it's like a snow ball rolling down hill and it just gets faster, bigger and spinning out of control. This is why I joined Anxiety Social Net, this is my last resort of some kind of preventive action and daily maintance for my anxiety and panic.

I tried to go for therapy but my anxiety would become so bad just from being in the waiting room I was never able to make it thriugh the door; Some time it will take me two or three tries just to get my groceries and it always happens that I get a panic attack waiting in the check out line. I have become a prisoner of my anxiety and feel like I am being sucked into a black hole.

I hope by sharing my situation and hearing other peoples stories it will help me fight back against my anxiety and panic.

Last modified on Thursday, 27 June 2013 23:17

18 comments

  • Comment Link RlndSc Sunday, 18 August 2013 11:13 posted by RlndSc

    Hello Rob, I personally think therapy is the best option. Medication helps for a lot of people to supress the anxiety, but it is not a permanent fix. The permanent solution comes from within with help from professionals. There are therapists that make house calls or that work through skype. Maybe that is a good option for you and surely there are specialized treatment programs for agoraphobia in your area. Unfortunately I live in a different country so I can't point you exactly in the right direction there, but maybe someone else can?

  • Comment Link anxietyiskillingme Sunday, 11 August 2013 23:28 posted by anxietyiskillingme

    rob, i promise it gets better. I know your probably laughing at that right now but i was exactly like you. And evryone told me it gets better and i just cried cause i new it would never be better but IT DID i wish you the best of luck and take care

  • Comment Link Hyden Rob Saturday, 20 July 2013 05:47 posted by Hyden Rob

    I want to say how caring and genuinely concerned ASN members are and thank you. My Anxiety has become so bad I depend on my caregiver 50% of the time when leaving the house. I just decided to try the meds again and it turned into a very scarey episode of sleep walking and hallucinations and total confusion. I have been through this before and know how my brain reacts to these drugs and it can become very dangerous for me. One night I was sleepwalking and accidentally ate 60 Adivan and went on a 18 hour sleep walking episode. I went to stores walked the streets and even went to my Dr office and he had no clue I was sleep walking. I was also having extremely morbid nightmares and just felt broken. Containing my Anxiety is my life, every decision I make is challenged by my Anxiety

  • Comment Link Hyden Rob Saturday, 20 July 2013 05:47 posted by Hyden Rob

    I want to say how caring and genuinely concerned ASN members are and thank you. My Anxiety has become so bad I depend on my caregiver 50% of the time when leaving the house. I just decided to try the meds again and it turned into a very scarey episode of sleep walking and hallucinations and total confusion. I have been through this before and know how my brain reacts to these drugs and it can become very dangerous for me. One night I was sleepwalking and accidentally ate 60 Adivan and went on a 18 hour sleep walking episode. I went to stores walked the streets and even went to my Dr office and he had no clue I was sleep walking. I was also having extremely morbid nightmares and just felt broken. Containing my Anxiety is my life, every decision I make is challenged by my Anxiety

  • Comment Link MarieDoumis Friday, 05 July 2013 00:37 posted by MarieDoumis

    Hi Rob
    Your story is heart breaking. It is a shame that you can't seem to get out of the cycle of just thinking and thinking - I feel like that too, not everyday I would say 2 weeks out of every month. I did go see someone and was told I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Having a name for what I have has made it easier to deal with and I was wondering if you could organise to speak to a psychologist on the phone? I did this a few times with my psychologist and it worked really well.
    I hope that you can get help - you deserve to have your mind free again and feel as you can do anything because you can, we just need help in opening the first door.

  • Comment Link dave1 Wednesday, 03 July 2013 18:21 posted by dave1

    I wonder if finding somebody to go with you outside or to the store would help? Someone who fully understands your problem or even suffers from it too. Maybe doing little trial runs with this person to a store very close by. Go there, pop in for a second, then leave. A little while later or the next day try it again and once you have gained the confidence of successfully negotiating those situations, try it with a place a little further away and/or stay there longer. I think those little successes would go a long way to helping you out.

  • Comment Link Hyden Rob Thursday, 27 June 2013 15:56 posted by Hyden Rob

    Hello BlueJay thanks for your concern and yes medication is an option. I have found the side effects to be worse then the anxiety because of the high dosage I have to take for it to make any difference and it still doesn't stop my panic attacks. I am already on 8 different medication for my blood pressure and heart condition.
    It scares me taking all these medications when they find out years later the drugs are more harmful then good. Like paxil, I was one of the first in Canada to be subscribed paxil and now there is a class action law suit because of the side effects.
    You have to ask your self if these drugs are really good for you because when you read the side effects and it says that they may cause suicidal or homicidal tendencies and several other side effects it sounds worse then the anxiety it self.

  • Comment Link BlueJay Wednesday, 26 June 2013 03:34 posted by BlueJay

    Seems like your going through a lot of hardship now, sux! I hate dealing with my Anxiety, so much that I use Medication. is that an option for you? I know just sharing your feelings can help, so hopefully this helps you.

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