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Saturday, 21 September 2013 22:35

The Quest to Overcome

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Here I am almost 40yrs old and still dealing with Social Anxiety Disorder. I realize that finding the root cause of my anxiety is the first major step in overcoming it. My anxiety started when I was about 12 and started viewing myself differently. I didn’t like my smile or my voice and I felt I was too skinny. My self esteem became very low and I often compared myself to others. I was in honor classes but would never like to read in class because I felt people would see all my imperfections. Whenever they called on me, I struggled through darn-near severe panic attacks; voice cracking and all. It was humiliating and I started avoiding it any time I could. At the age of 14, my father disowned me. He was the only light in my dark low esteem world and I was always daddy's little girl up until then. But because he didn’t want to continue paying child support for, he actually told me "you are not mine." It devastated me to the core. It was the ultimate rejection that just added fuel to my already damaged esteem; I wasnt even good enough for my father to want. He spent the next few years of his life totally ignoring me. I started writing to express myself and hid how I felt to others. About 10 yrs ago I decided it was time to address it so I did small things to face my fears. Being a writer opened up many doors for me, I started a magazine that inspires others but when I was asked to come speak to people about it, I declined. Surely, I couldn’t let them see my struggles. I would do things to face my fears and my voice cracked a little so it would discourage me. I hold meetings at work with no problem but something as simple as introducing myself can set off anxiety. I've learned that doing self-talk helps. I never wanted to get on medication so I did/do a lot of reading on the subject and the biggest way to overcome this type of anxiety is to face your fears. You may have to take baby steps; each day try to do one thing that you normally wouldn’t do. I have come a LONG way from where I started but I have a ways to go. Just recently I decided to start openly talking about my battle with Social Anxiety to my friends and anyone who would listen. I noticed that being able to openly address your issues allows others to understand what you're going through and it also gives you an opportunity to help others. I want to one day be able to talk in front of an audience about my struggles to overcome Social Anxiety. But...I can’t do that until I actually overcome it... and I'm only halfway there! I'll keep you posted on my progress. Until then.... stay inspired. ~Cherokee Blues

 

Last modified on Wednesday, 02 October 2013 07:19
More in this category: « Coming home from hospital Drowning »

9 comments

  • Comment Link blessings Tuesday, 23 December 2014 02:52 posted by blessings

    excellent job describing your challenges,keep taking one step at a time.you inspire me.thank you.

  • Comment Link steven-D Monday, 18 August 2014 11:40 posted by steven-D

    Hello Everybody,

    I know that everybody is different and has their own story. I was also having a lot of problems, mostly mental problems, thank god i found out that my problems were caused by mercury poisoning. I am 5 months underway with Cutler detox and i am a new person.

    My advice, and please believe me i know how hard it can be for people like us, but never give up and stay positive!!! (this is the only way to survive!

    Good luck to all of you!

  • Comment Link Lonelyguy30 Thursday, 06 February 2014 23:33 posted by Lonelyguy30

    I have the same problem as you pointed out such as hearing your own voice, comparing yourself to others...... Now I am hopeless, and don't know how to keep going. I am thinking of quitting my job and spend the rest of money that I earned and finish my life. I don't belong to this world at all

  • Comment Link jc6519 Wednesday, 05 February 2014 11:24 posted by jc6519

    I am a 48 years old business manager . The trauma I had in my child hood and teenage years have terribly damaged my self esteem . I have been trying my best to come out of this. I develop social anxiety all of a sudden. To add more trouble to my already existing problem, I also have a mild essential tremor which worsens when my anxiety is on the rise. I have managed to carve out a career for me so far. But many a times , I find it very difficult to speak before a small audience ( which is a basic thing a business manager needs to do month after month ). I am taking an Ayurvedic medicine called Sumenta that gives some sort of help ( I do not want to take the regular medicines ). But I will keep pressing on. Hope that I would come out of this someday soon.

  • Comment Link CloudofDust Friday, 03 January 2014 16:05 posted by CloudofDust

    I agree, thank you and you are a very nice writer. I can relate to a lot of what you say as I am 37 and a recent string of events in my life have triggered worsening anxiety symptoms recently. The getting up in front of people thing really triggers me badly and yet the more I have done it the worse it has gotten at work. I think the audience has a lot to do with it too at times. I am glad though that we all can find support here for what we feel and that we can continue to learn from one another. I have learned that putting your anxiety out there instead of hiding it is definitely the way to go. Thank you!

  • Comment Link Donnabella Monday, 04 November 2013 15:23 posted by Donnabella

    I am the same way, however I don't think sharing with the average person would be something easily understood . Here obviously yes, but with the average person it wouldn't work for me.

  • Comment Link cherokeeblues Sunday, 22 September 2013 15:11 posted by cherokeeblues

    Thank u both :-)

  • Comment Link RW1989 Sunday, 22 September 2013 12:53 posted by RW1989

    It sounds like you have been through a lot. I'm happy to see that your taking steps to fight and overcome your anxieties. I look forward to reading more of your diaries! You are a really good writer! =)

  • Comment Link lexieannlak Sunday, 22 September 2013 01:05 posted by lexieannlak

    Cool. Thank you for sharing about your journey. I agree one thing that really helps me is sharing with other people. Feel free to read some of my diary entries, Ive shared a bit about my journey :)

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