Had this stupid anxiety for so many years now, it's just a part of me. But I've tried so many things to get past it, and it still comes back to haunt me. Today I said No to someone regarding some work they wanted me to do on sunday. I said I didn't know it was this sunday, and that I couldn't do it. They said 'yes you did, but ok.' All I can think about it the 'yes she did' part and I feel like i've done something really wrong, or let people down. I feel sick in my stomach about it. :( wish I could not care about it.
Also - the other night we went to the hunger games at the cinema for the first time since before the december quakes, and I spent most of the film in a high state of anxiety, had to leave just before it started as i felt like i was about to totally panic. I had a lorazapam and felt terrible about that, then couldn't stop thinking about earthquakes.
I feel like ive had so much anxiety in so many forms, and so many panic attacks that I can't keep moving forward. I've almost decided to give up on my love of theatre and singing as the anxiety I get before and during a performance is just not worth it. I guess I'm hoping this site will be an outlet for support or something. I've seen so many therapists, and tried so much medication and anxiety programmes and yet still I have to deal with this amount of it all the time!!!