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Diary

In this category are all the diary's of the different users of the site.

Life, with a Mental Illness   We trudge along in the world. Somedays are great, while others, the mere task of getting out of bed can be a daunting task. We live with dark clouds swirling above our heads, yet plastered onto our face is a decieving smile. Seeing a crowd of people makes our hearts skip a beat, because we are afraid.    Afraid of what? Most of the time, this is a question that I ask myself, often with no answer in return. Perhaps some of us had harmful and damaging previous experiences that left us with a scar. In our heads, we picture every circumstance in which this situation could go wrong. These pictures seem so real in our heads, and, they are scary.    At night, we lay wide awake, with that image of something that went wrong from about a month ago replaying in our heads. We lay awake, because deep down we are afraid.   We are afraid of what will happen to us. What is it that will happen in the future? Why…
... "I thought you were going to try today. Just curious"... What do you say to that??...how do you answer...?.. Should I tell them how it took me almost 4 hours to get out of bed to go pee this morning? Or how I went back to bed after... Should I tell them that the thought of leaving my house today made me want to crawl into a corner and never turn the lights on. ...how reality feels like the fantasy and how this fantasy is more like a deep rooted tragedy .... How I cover my self in shame and regrets ....for losing days...weeks...months of things I could be doing ....if I wasn't too busy...trying to encourage myself to continue living. If you can call this thing I'm doing ...living...its more like bare   ... "I thought you were going to try today. Just curious"....  (Answer in my head)...I tried and failed miserably...like I do almost every single day...I tried and I fucking failed at life.    ... "I thought you were going to try today. Just curious (Real…
Why is it that every body has an opinion about ...what you should be doing...what you are doing wrong...what might help you...what you don't know...why do people have to constantly comment on what you didn't do...or could have done better....I wish they were just happy I got out if bed...which is more than what I was expecting ....they have high hopes for me and I feel like I fail them every single day. I feel like I'm failing at life...
i'm on fire but my legs don't work while i have someone staring up my dresswhat am i -like thisthey don't see me in the way that i amsee me as someone they can reach their hands insomehow maneuver me into a twisted realityit won't happen
i'm on fire but my legs don't work while i have someone staring up my dresswhat am i -like thisthey don't see me in the way that i amsee me as someone they can reach their hands insomehow maneuver me into a twisted realityit won't happen
it can be what ever you likenot sure the courtesy either i'm sorrycuz it's just another selfieor just take it that it's therapeutic to be myself because no one ever said to mehey it's okay to be differentinstead the difference alienates everythingdon't embrace yourselfdon't wear that itjust makes you look uglysomeone will mention you to meand say hey your kid is weirdand it's just too embarrassing and still now that i'm older you still can't see who i amand why it bothers me so muchis because you think you know what is better for mebut how on earth do you knowwhat the fuck i needyou never asked me are you okayonly when you need something lifted, moved, or thrown awayand so then therefore i can't be your scapegoatanymorei'll run faster than ever -away -whereverif i can't just be myselfi'm done
it can be what ever you likenot sure the courtesy either i'm sorrycuz it's just another selfieor just take it that it's therapeutic to be myself because no one ever said to mehey it's okay to be differentinstead the difference alienates everythingdon't embrace yourselfdon't wear that itjust makes you look uglysomeone will mention you to meand say hey your kid is weirdand it's just too embarrassing and still now that i'm older you still can't see who i amand why it bothers me so muchis because you think you know what is better for mebut how on earth do you knowwhat the fuck i needyou never asked me are you okayonly when you need something lifted, moved, or thrown awayand so then therefore i can't be your scapegoatanymorei'll run faster than ever -away -whereverif i can't just be myselfi'm done

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