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Tuesday, 17 March 2015 19:19

Journal Entry #1

Hi everyone. I'm brand new to the site so not sure what to do with it quite yet but I just wanted to introduce myself.

My name is Olivia, 19, USA. Currently I'm taking a semester off of college to try an work on my anxiety that I have lived with for as long as I can remember. It's been rough being home and I just need people to talk to. All my friends are off at school and I just feel completely lost and helpless/hopeless. My mom has been great througout this process and has really just been my rock. But the more time I spend at home the more I feel myself regressing back to my terrible hermit-esque habits...I want to be back at school. I want to be happy. I want to be anxiety free. I now this will be a lifelong battle but I just want it to get a little better everyday. I'm on my second maybe third month of Prozac and I personally feel like it has been super helpful. And along with the prozac I have been seeing a thrapist once a week. She's incredible and I know that I'm in good hands. 

It's all jst really confusing right now. I'm trying to figure out where to start to tell my story.

Anyway. I wasn't planning on writing all of this. I will hopefully fill you in on more tomorrow. It's late and I need sleep. Tomorrow is sure to be an anxious one. My mother is making me apply for a job while I'm home and to say I'm worried about it is an understatement.

Love to all. 

Looking forward to meeting some new friends and figuring it out together. 

Oh The Places You Will Go  - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20mMbEB0OhA

Goodnight.

Published in Diary
Saturday, 07 February 2015 01:02

Over 2 months

Moving forward over the 2 month mark and taking 50mg of Zoloft.  Now sometimes I feel a little strange, kinda in a dream state but it doesn't last long and if I take a .25 Xanax than I'm good in 20 minutes.  I am impressed over all about my mood and getting things done.  I'm much more motivated and its been tough to run as much as I would like in the winter.  This has given me hope and I look forward to see how much I can get done now that anxiety is not running my life.  After getting both those tumors out I never thought I would end up with the hope I now have.  It has been awhile but I'm looking forward to what the future will bring and what I have already got done!  Till next month, stay positive and believe in hope and that you can get better!! 

 

Published in Diary
Monday, 29 December 2014 12:26

Anxiety Story Secondary School

i then went onto secondary school , which i was very anxious about which it is for any child , who is starting big school , but for people with anxiety disorders its alot worst. 

 Has i had moved house , i was told that i would have to get a coach to school , which added to the anxiety even more,  i would be going out of my hometown to get to school , i remember standing at the bus stop and dreading having to get on the coach but i wasnt to bad has i made a friend while standing at the bus stop which made me feel so much better , and we were both nervous and in the same boat so i didnt feel completely alone . after a few months of being there i lefted that school has i started bunking & not wanting to go , i didnt enjoy the whole travelling experience it wasnt for me , so i then went to a local school thinking that it might be the solution , it was okay for a while , but i then starting bunking school again , it was literally around the corner from me , so i could walk it,  but for some reason i was terrified of walking to and from school on my own, leaving the front door was so hard , even meeting a friend was difficult, i remember my mum telling my friend to go on without me, has i was just to scared to get up and go, i froze i didnt want to move , i remember just laying in my room crying and scared cause i didnt want to go school . it soon became obvious to the school , that something wasnt right , i remember being called to the headmasters room for a meeting with my mum , i just sat there crying and scared and there were asking me questions and i couldnt answer them , like why i didnt want to go to school? but i didnt know myself , i had no reason to not want to go, i just didnt know why i was, the way i was.

& before i know it the anxiety was getting worst and the only time i felt better, was when i was at home away from everyone. so thats what i did i locked myself every from everyone , so i didnt have to deal with the anxiety, it was like the only way i felt i knew how to deal with it at the time,  i was then admitted to child mental health to see a therapist, i was there til i was 16 or 17 , i was doing so well i was going out , making friends , and doing what i loved i was living my life i managed my prom i was so happy and then it all went down hill , when i lefted school ,  i was 16 at the time and i relapsed really badly , just out of the blue, has all the support i was getting from the school stopped and my mental health support & my support from connexions also stopped not long after  , has i had hit that age where i was no longer a child, i had to be referred to adult mental health, for more therapy and to yet be dianosged , but in the mean time things were really bad , i started to pushing friends and family away , everyone who cared for me & loved me i pushed away no one didnt anything horrible to me. it was me i was going through this really bad time and everything started to fall apart , i was feeling every emotion you could think off  , and none of my friends could understand why i was doing this , has i never said anything to my friends about my struggle with my mental health, i kepted it a secret , so i was completely on my own at this point , and i stopped leaving the house , all i would do is sleep and cry.  

Published in Diary
Sunday, 09 November 2014 12:25

Intrusive Thoughts that Scares Me Dizzy

I've been bothered by intrusive thoughts lately and they are not your run-of-the-mill brain farts. They're the kind of thoughts that when it crossed you it will make you go ''What the f*ck was that about?'', ''Oh, gross'' or just plain ''No.'' pair that with anxiety and you got yourself one hell of a horror ride.

Fortunately, they do go away, and your logical sense, and maybe even your sense of humor will rise above this distressing thoughts.

Mine started when I was about to go to sleep, I remember that I was feeling pretty tense already and one thought popped into my head ''I think I'm going crazy''. My body immediately responded with an increased heart rate and further anxious thinking about going nuts. I went downstairs to see who I could talk to and expected it to be my brother as he is a night owl. I told him what was happening.

Unfortunately my brother is very skilled at being a douche to me and told me scoffed at me and ignored me. From then on the intrusive thoughts have varied from afraid of bieng Schizophrenic, Suicidal, Incestuous, Murderous, and Ridiculous. Now, I would like to elaborate what triggered them so we can see how what anxiety does to you, how it blows everything out of proportion

The Schizophrenic fear I acquired when  I was studying for the Psychometrician Licensure Exam (I passed by the way), and the topics involved abnormal psychology, so there we go.

The Suicidal fear is given, I am aware of my current vulnerability given that I had a history of depression and suicidal ideation.

The Incest fear, I got this when I was watching the movie ''The Dreamers'' which has a semi-incestuous theme, since I was still pissed at my brother for being a douch, I was horrified at the incest and so intrusive thoughts of my incest wth bro ensued. Which is really gross.

The Murderous fear, I had a brief intrusive thought with me wanting to hurt or kill my family, but thinking about it now makes me sad.

The Ridiculous fear, most recently I had the fear of my mom or my family finding out that I don't believe in God. I was afraid that she will blame me for my Panic Anxiety because I don't believe in him and that is the cause of my suffering, that I am being punished for my atheism.

With respect to those with religious beliefs.

I was so scared that I tried to pray but it just made it worse cause believing in a god is just as ridiculous as my fears.

I've known about Schizophrenia before but I only got scared of it now, I've been suicidal before but I only got scared I would do it now, I've known my brother for as long as I remember but I only got scared of incest now. I've entertained the thought of hurting my family when I was angry but I only got scared of it now. I have been an atheist for three years now but I only got scared about it now.

The facts are, I am not a Schizophrenic, I am not suicidal anymore and I want to live, I am not sexually attracted to my brother, I don't want to kill or hurt my family, I love them, and I wouldn't want to hurt them even if I didnt love them, and I dont believe in God.

It's tough having this problem. It helps when I'm able to verbalize these thoughts and feelings, take them apart and separate the me from the anxiety. Of course, that's easier said than done, especially when you are currently experiencing the intrusive thoughts, leading to a panic attack.

The last time this happened to me (a couple or so hours ago) I was drunk with fear, unable to think straight. Trying my hardest to ignore, supress, and laugh off the intrusive, irrational, anxiety-induced thoughts.

It lasted throughout the day and it ended up with  my heart rate reaching 121 per minute, I just let the feelings come through and breathed into a paper bag until, gradually, I felt better.

It ends, and I continue living.

 

 

 

Published in Anxiety General Blog
Sunday, 21 September 2014 20:08

My Emotions

I sometimes feel as though I cannot breathe. I have had two anxiety attacks in the past year, the only ones I have ever had. But when I get anxiety, my heart beats fast. I begin to flush, and avoid eye contact with anyone near me. I fidget and get sweaty. But more than the physicals, I am so deeply terrified of whatever is giving me this anxiety that I can barely even act rationally. Simply biking though my neighborhood is a stressful experience. I wonder if the people outside are judging me, and whenever a car goes by, my throat closes up. I do anything to avoid crossing the street while a car is waiting. Talking on the phone is terrifying to me, as well as interacting with little children when their parents are present. 

I cannot explain any of this to you, or why it happens. But it makes me feel very alone. I've never met someone with G.A.D. before, or talked to someone with it. I have considered going to a group therapy for anxiety as well as psychotherapy but none are around me that I can find. If you suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, or any anxiety disorder at all, you can talk to me. I'd be very grateful. And that really goes for anyone struggling. I've also suffered from major depression and so I have insight and experience into that, although I'm not in any way a doctor or psychologist, I can give my advice. 

Anyway, I wish you luck in your recovery, and if you want you can talk to me. 

Published in Diary
Monday, 10 June 2013 04:02

Anxiety return?

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Published in Diary
Monday, 18 February 2013 08:38

The best interview I ever hade

Published in Diary
Thursday, 07 February 2013 21:37

feeling anxious again

after suffering my first panic attack from a bad reaction after smoking Spice, something i had never done and regret so badly in november and having about 3 more attacks of panic in december it seemed i finally had gotten over it. i spent a couple days over a few weeks having my dad care for me as he too has had anxiety attacks and panic years ago when he was younger. he doesn't have them at all anymore. in fact, he can even drink coffee almost daily. he gives me hope i guess you could say. he got over it naturally.

so after staying with him for awhile, he was having me drink a mix of st. john's wort and valerian root tea every night before going to bed. i remember feeling so anxious and scared. worse than how i feel now. i havent had panic attacks since december and a couple weeks ago my anxiety had all gone away. i was happy again, i could hangout with friends and go to work. i was so relieved. but up until last week i slowly started feeling the symptoms again. very slight fear, and everyday it seemed to get a little more noticeable, day by day, little by little. until i almost feared i was going to have a panic attack but i never did. and now the past couple of days ive been feeling a bit anxious, nothing like the first time i experienced anxiety but it still bothers me. it still weighs on me. my dad says theyre flashbacks. that I'm getting better but its a process of which symptoms go away and then return for a bit and then go away again until one day youre just free. at least thats how it was for him. i trust what he's says is true, because he's my dad. he's an herbalist, if thats even what you call people who are certified in herbal remedies and natural medicine. he got into it when he suffered from panic. he said he used to stand outside the ER when he would get attacks. he didnt know what was happening just like the rest of us when we first experience them. he'd stand outside in case he were to pass out or really feel like he was going to drop right there. he'd stand there until the attack would pass, he would have to leave work to do this. eventually he saw a DR. that put him on medication. about 6 months in he told the DR he wasnt getting any better, he seemed to get worse. sure the pills helped calm him down when he got attacks but he never saw an improvement until he met a man who was an herbalist. the man put him on supplements for his body. detoxification and just natural medicine and eventually he got better. and this was years ago, everytime i ask about his experience with anxiety i feel hope that ill get past it too. i hope i can also as so many people are able to. i just wish it could happen now, it sucks feeling like this. i notice talking about it helps a bit, even crying helps. well i guess ill start updating my progress on here. i hope this site helps in overcoming anxiety as well.

Published in Diary
Monday, 27 February 2012 09:18

Panic Disorder Tips and Info

Here Some Useful Information on Panic Disorders

Individuals with a panic disorder experience sudden intense attacks of anxiety.  These attacks are often repetitive and can occur at any time.  These attacks are often referred to as panic attacks.  Panic attacks will often arise unexpectedly in individuals.  They can erupt suddenly and rapidly intensify.  Some individuals mistakenly identify the symptoms of a panic attack as being a heart attack because of the similar symptoms of these two medical conditions. 

Panic attack symptoms are unique and individualized for each person.  Individual experiencing a panic attack typically report symptoms such as chest pain, feeling faint, overwhelming fear of losing control, intense fear of death, upset stomach, difficulty breathing, a chocking sensation, feeling detached, sweating, chills, shaking, rapid heart rate, numbness in extremities, and hot flashes.  Panic attacks must be experienced for at least 6 months and involve a majority of the symptoms above to be considered to be a panic disorder. 

Panic disorders can be experienced at the same time that an individual also has a different anxiety or psychological disorder.  It is important that panic disorders, whether experienced as a singular disorder or as a compounded disorder, can be treated.  Panic disorders can be treated and managed in the following ways.

 

Antidepressant medications have been shown to be effective in the treatment of panic disorders.  The selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil are commonly used to manage panic attack symptoms.  Serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), benzodiazepines, monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs), and anti-seizure medications have all been found to be helpful medications in the treatment of panic disorders.  If one type of medication does not seem to fit the unique needs of an individual another type of these medications could potentially help. 

 

Relaxation skill building is extremely important for learning how to manage anxiety and stress that mount during and before panic attacks.  Taking regular walks, reducing and abstaining from consuming caffeine, and taking time to relax are all important relaxation techniques for managing stress.  Relaxed breathing skills are also important for an individual with a panic disorder to learn.  Relaxation skills should be utilized regularly in an individual with this disorder’s life.  Additionally, they should be utilized as soon as an individual begins to feel a panic disorder come on. 

 

Eliminating caffeine, alcohol, and drugs.  These stimulants can make the panic symptoms worse and can make panic attacks occur more frequently.  These drugs increase stress and anxiety levels in the body and create an environment a chronic stress environment within the body.  Each stressor that arises in life is intensified when these stimulants are present within an individual. 

 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common counseling treatment method for panic disorders.  This treatment focuses on changing the way that the brain processes information and transforming the behaviors of the individual. 

 

Education about the body’s natural stress response can be extremely valuable for individuals with a panic disorder.  This information can help the individual understand how their body manages and processes stress.  It can normalize the stress experience and assist individuals in reducing their anxiety surrounding how their body manages stress. 

 

Daily assignments to reduce and manage stress are critically important.  To transform the body’s response to stress the individual must daily make a conscious effort to slowly change how they respond to and react to stress.  Individuals can try out different and new coping methods and strategies to see which ones can help them to overcome their anxiety.

 

Overcoming a panic disorder will take time and may require trial and error.  Individuals should not grow discouraged if they are unable to completely eliminate their panic attacks right away.  Instead, individuals should work to at least slowly reduce the intensity of their experience of anxiety.

Published in Anxiety General Blog

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