I've been feeling worse the past week or so. I know one thing that is affecting me but I can't do much about it. It's causing my mind to go all over the place. I'm amazed that I can be so irrational and emotionally upset. I can't shake these thoughts of not having a life. I can't kill the lonliness. It gets so hard sometimes to even get up and face the world. I've been fighting for a long time but to no avail. I have hard time trusting people, likely due to my past. I figure people are lying to me for whatever reason. I hate being weak. I can't stand the cowardice I've shown in my life. I feel like I walk through life as a ghost. I had no life in the past and I have none in the future.
I don't want to be the old lonely guy at work. The guy that dies alone living in some small, isolated apartment with no one to care. That's selfish but I can't help it.