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Andria Gibson

Andria Gibson

Friday, 20 December 2013 22:43

Overcoming Fears

I've calmed down a lot since the other day.  When I got the paperwork in the mail about my hospital stay in the epilepsy unit I completely freaked out and was terrified.  I still have a LOT of misgivings about this whole process.  I have to be there fifteen minutes before my appointment time to be fitted for my EEG cap that I have to wear for five to seven days (depending on how things go).  I have to wear button up clothes so that the wires fit where they are supposed to.  I will be put in a room and be constantly monitored via the EEG machine and video cameras.  I am really uncomfortable being video taped but I understand why it is going to be done.  I've been through so much this year.  Countless ER visits, hospital stays, tests, specialists, etc. I am looking at it in a different light now.  This should be the easy part, the best part.  My doctors will finally be able to rule out X, Y and Z and get a step closer to getting me a proper diagnosis and treatment.  I have to keep that in my head instead of all the insecurities, doubts, worries and fears I have going on.  I am scared out of my mind to do this.  It's facing so many of my fears and dealing with a lot of my triggers.  I won't be able to take my medicine, they will be trying to induce seizures by…
Friday, 13 December 2013 03:47

Neurology Update

I had my appointment with my neurologist a couple of weeks ago.  I was so nervous leading up to the appointment time, I didn't want to go.  I was having major anxiety over it and nightmares.  I was terrified! I didn't know what to expect and didn't know if he would want to run any new tests or anything of that nature.  The appointment lasted maybe fifteen minutes.  He reviewed my medical history and the last visit I had, which was in May.  I was supposed to have been scheduled for a week long stay in the epilepsy unit but that didn't happen.  I fell through the cracks as they say.  Well anyway, he came in and addressed my seizure issue.  I went from having multiple seizures on a daily basis varying from mild to severe.  I was hospitalized on May 3, 2013 in ICU from the seizures and a severe drop in blood pressure.  I saw him maybe a week afterwards and he said there were two major things that cause seizures in someone like me.  Worst case scenario, I have epilepsy.  Best case scenario, they are what is known in the medical community as "stress spells".  He is leaning towards the latter.  He prescribed me Elavil for my headaches.  I am supposed to take half of a 10mg pill nightly.  The first time I took it I took too much because I didn't read the label correctly and I took the entire 10mg instead of half.  I was…
Sunday, 24 November 2013 03:37

complicated feelings

Here lately I am not sure what's been going on but I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind.  I can go from being so sad and depressed that I literally cannot bring myself to get out of bed one moment to the next moment I'm happy and joyful.  The mood swings are getting pretty bad and I seem to have no control over them.  Sometimes I feel like I am trapped inside my own body and I am going to explode.  I do not know how to contain that feeling so I have a craving to do something self destructive.  Last week, I ended up cutting myself and heating a key with a lighter and burning myself with it.  I want to hurt myself badly or destroy something but since I don't seem to have the ability to destroy something I just turn the chaos into pain.  While I'm doing it I feel ecstatic like I'm in a state of euphoria.  This doesn't last very long and soon after I am plagued with feelings of regret and shame.  I do not know what to do.  I don't know how a person can go from one extreme to another.  The depression and hopelessness is crippling and all consuming.  I can't feel joy, happiness or pleasure.  All I feel is despair, rage and bitterness.  I really wish I had a way of dealing with all this but so far I haven't found anything.  It really bothers me because I don't want…
Sunday, 24 November 2013 03:30

Apathetic Futuristic Drone

I've been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching lately.  I'm not sure why it's so difficult for me to care about myself and plan for a future.  It's something that just never occurred to me before.  I never wanted to do anything with my life and I still struggle with that on a daily basis. I lose interest in almost everything.  I am jaded to the point I have a hard time caring about anything.  I'm just apathetic to most things and there is no real reason for it.  I almost find everything to be a waste of time.  I'm scared of committing myself to anything because I know how I am.  Johnnie says I have no reason to be like this and I know deep down that he's right but it's not something I know how to change.  It worries me because I'm a realist and very practical yet I don't do the things that might assure me a more secure future.  No more living paycheck to paycheck and being one paycheck away from being homeless all the time. For him, things are different he really has no choice.  He has to play the hand he was dealt.  It's a really fucked up situation.  Everybody else that I know always has certain dreams, goals and aspirations and I'm just sitting here with my "I don't give a fuck attitude".  I do not know why and it's really bothering me.  I know if I had the drive or…
Friday, 30 August 2013 19:39

Update :)

Well a lot of things have hapepned since I last blogged here.  I figured I should share some of my experiences with you all and hopefully it may help someone. :) I've been taking 20mg of Celexa everyday since May 3, 2011.  It has worked wonders for me.  My life has changed dramatically and my mental health has improved greatly.  I moved out of my parents home and and live with my boyfriend now.  I'm still working and right now I have two major goals; start driving again and go back to college.  My plan is to double major in criminal justice and social work.  Everything hasn't been a rainbows and sunshine though. I've had a lot of set backs along the way.  I ended up developing an undiagnosed seizure disorder earlier in the year in March.  I just started having muscle twitches that turned into seizures.  I was in an out of the ER and back and forth to various doctors.  One night I kept on having multiple seizures and ended up in the ER and was transported to another hospital where I stayed in ICU for two days.  My blood pressure dropped dramatically and no one seemed to know why I couldn't stay awake or what was causing the seizures.  Three CT scans, and EEG and an MRI and still nothing.  All results came back "normal".  Well I ended up getting referred to a neurologist at the University of Virginia.  He said he wasn't exactly sure what was…
Tuesday, 03 July 2012 17:40

bad to worse

Just when I thought things were getting better they have taken a turn for the worse. My feelings of inadequacy have ruined everything. I left home for just one day and I felt like I was finally in control of my life and I was happy. I went back the next day because of all the guilt and my fear of living my life. I paid a heavy price for that. I fractured the relationships with my mother, father and brother. Things haven't been the same since and I've been wanting to leave again but I just can't do it. I lost my boyfriend because he said he couldn't be with me and keep falling more in love with me as long as I stayed in that toxic environment and let them continue to destroy me. I told him by staying here I saw no way where the end result wasn't my death in one form or another. I lost my dignity, self respect and any hope I had of recovery. I've cried and cried until my eyes have swollen shut. I'm so unhappy yet I keep myself here with the very people who are doing this to me. I'm at my wits end and the end of my rope. I'm terrified and don't know what to do. Even with my medication this depression has me swallowed whole. Ugh! I just want the pain to stop and things to get better. I hope I can find the strength to keep…
Friday, 25 May 2012 21:07

desparate need of advice

I thought I should update you all on what's been going on with me lately. I went to the doctor on May 3, 2012 and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety, social anxiety disorder and dysthymic disorder which is a form of depression. She asked me how I felt about medication and I told her I was open to it. She said that was good and wanted to start me on something that was for both the anxiety and depression so she decided and SSRI would be good and prescribed 20mg of Celexa that I'm to take once a day. She also asked me if I thought talking to someone would help and I told her yes that I wanted to get better. She was supposed to schedule that but after talking to my family everything changed. While at the doctors office my parents were super supportive going as far as my father saying "Well I'm glad that you now have a name for how you've been feeling and now you can get the help you need. I'm happy for you." Then once I told them about the combination of medication and therapy everything changed. I went and got my prescription filled and tried to get my mother and father to listen to what I was telling them about how it could potentially effect me and what signs to look for. Upon hearing that my mother said "I think you're taking things a bit too far, theres nothing wrong with you".…
Friday, 04 May 2012 17:15

seeking help a mistake?

I thought I would tell you all about my experience with talking to the doctor and the aftermath of that. I really wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I went to the doctors office. I was pretty calm until the door opened and they called my name and instantly I just felt panic set in. The nurse walked me back to get my height, weight and vitals and asked me why I was there to see the doctor and I heard the word "anxiety" come out of my mouth. I thought to myself "Well no taking it back now". She asked me a few questions and then said "The doctor will be with you in just a minute". So I sat there and recited song lyrics to myself to keep me distracted lol! All of a sudden I heard a knock on the door and she came in and started getting me to talk about it. I was so nervous and jittery that I was stuttering and my mind kept on going blank but she was really patient and understanding. She started explaining everything to me and gave me some different options. She said "How do you feel about medication" and before I was dead set against it but after talking to you guys here at ASN I decided to try it so I told her I was open to it. She said okay I think you would probably do good with Celexa because it's an…
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we are a community of people struggling with mental health issues, you are not alone!



We are a community of people struggling with mental health issues, you are not alone!