I have had anxiety in varying degrees since the sixth grade.   I can recall my first panic attack as clear as day.   I was in pre algebra and had no idea what to do so I just raised my hand.   I recall not even really being there but everyone starting at me.   My teacher asked if I felt sick because I was so pale.   I just nodded yes and went to the bathroom.   I later confided in what I deemed to be a good friend about it, now mind you i had no idea what "it" was at the time, so she spread it all over the school and it became a point of ridicule.  Beyond that I didbt years struggling with what I didn't know.   I had a harrowing childhood to say the very least,  I've endured every kind of abuse possible at the hands of basically every adult in my life.  Eventually I spoke to my mom about what was going on,  3 or 4 years after it started,  and age explained it sounded like anxiety.  Just knowing what it could be was the most freeing thing.   I was inevitably started on Zoloft.  I had adverse reactions,  became suicidal and was put in a program for troubled kids.   Well I once again confided it what I consisted to be another very good friend.   She spread it around that I went crazy, and once again my mental health was…

I learned the more things I decide not to do because of the social anxiety, the bigger and more pronounced my anxiety becomes. All too often, I would decide not to do something because the anxiety and depression made things that were supposed to be fun to feel very uncomfortable instead. I had no idea I was feeding the anxiety to where it could consume my whole life. Being happy is still a hard thing to do. I realize now though that I have to do things that are a little and a lot uncomfortable just to keep the anxiety in check. The reward is not in conquering the anxiety, but in what we can build for ourselves inspite of the anxiety or because of the steps taken to surpass the feelings of fear and anxiety.   

Just had one of the worst panic attacks. I have been struggling with classes lately, and I feel like maybe I am not in the right field of study since I am struggling so much. I have already switched my major 3 times mind you. Recently I have been having thoughts like I am not doing something right and that something doesn't feel right with my classes like I am not doing what the future thinks. This has been stressing me out a lot and since I recently paid for summer classes and registered for classes next fall I have been having anxiety because I need to figure out and decide soon before I am taking classes I don't need and wasting money putting me more into debt. When I think about what interests me or if I could do anything I wanted what would it be, I literally have no idea. Also, the things I am interested in my grades don't show it therefore it makes me feel like I am not smart enough and that maybe I shouldn't be doing this because I feel like it's supposed to come easy. I know college isn't supposed to be easy, but I feel like I shouldn't be struggling this much even when being tutored or getting extra help from other people and the professor himself. I voiced my concern to my significant other and we talked about it. I He kind of had a tiny attitude because I keep blaming…

Hello! Welcome to my blog. My name is Brandie, I'm 28 years old and I suffer from anxiety and panic. I have always dealt with anxiety, but I have never had it this bad. It was triggered after the messy ending of a relationship with a man I was very in love with, but who just didn't love me anymore. This happened four months ago and everyday has been a stuggle to get back some semblance of normal. I am refusing any form of medication and am choosing to fix this problem through CBT, diet, excerise, and meditation. I don't make a lot of money, so most of my CBT is from me reading online ways to handle anxiety and panic attack. On occasion I can squink by and see a counslor at my local Catholic Church. I must say thought that I have made a lot of progress, albeit slow progress. I am proud of my progress because it was hard pressed through changing negative mental behaviours than achieved through a pill. I do not shame anyone for how they choose to walk their path, but for me, it is about taking all those mental behaviours that have been tearing me down for years and getting rid of them for good.   Today was a good step in that battle. I was having a rough day, had a lot of chest pain and just randomly crying a lot. Finally I decided I had to do something, so I pulled…

 Anxiety is many things. Those of us that struggle with it would never name any of those things in a positive manner. Instead we would say things like, anxiety is...   Tormenting Suffering Burdening Painful Exhausting Scary Confusing Lonely Life altering (negatively)   ...amongst many other negative things. But, what if I told you that anxiety can also be...   Inspiring Enlightening Empathetic Growth providing Strength Building Clarifying Life altering (positively)   Would you believe me? Somebody in the middle of an anxiety episode would probably say no. But here's the kicker...its in the middle of our anxiety, smack dab in the core of its intensity, that we can experience those exact things. That's right. Instead of feeling and experiencing all of those negative things, we can experience the positive ones. Or at the very least, we can have both. Now before you write me off as crazy, or someone who just doesn't understand, hear me out. This advice is not coming from someone on the outside who has no clue what it is like to suffer the anguish of anxiety. To the contrary, I have been at the brunt of anxiety and its many forms (panic, generalized, social, health related, phobias, OCD) for as long as I can remember. To make matters worse, I did not understand what it even was until I was in my 20's. Up until then I walked around internalizing everything and wondering if I truly was crazy. And, 6 years later, I am still…

 It all started eighteen years ago and life has not been the same since.  I was diagnosed with my first case of hyperparathyroidism which was actually a relief considering it took me nine months to figure something was actually wrong with me.  I went to several doctors and at least five different specialist and they all said it was stress and it was life.  They were all wrong, not their fault but they seemed it was better to label it as something instead of not knowing.  After more test they confirmed the tumor and removed it.  It was a quick surgery and I was out of the hospital in two days.  The main problem besides the tumor was the extreme intense anxiety attacks I have been having.  I never knew something like that was possible.  That feeling was so powerful and I never felt that scared and helpless.   The doctors told me that I didn't need medicine and I would slowely go back to feeling myself.  It took about 2 years from the time of my first panic attack to get to my surgery.  After surgery it was slow but I slowely started to feel a little better.  It just about ruined my baseball career and almost my drumming career.  The one thing about playing in a band was I could drink during shows which would completly eliminate any panic.  Which of course can be problem down the road which it eventually did.  After another eight years I started…