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Am I a sucker?

The nicer I am to people, the less they help me. Yet, I don't want to change who I am just for friendships or help with my problems. I wonder if eventually people will see what a nice person I am and want to be my friend, or maybe I am a sucker. Should I treat people the way they treat me? Or just be myself, know that no one will help or care, but remain true to myself, and lower my expectations of others? Or should I try to find other friends altogether?
Category: Advice 9 years ago
Asked 9 years ago

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Just stay nice and hope for the best! People will appreciate your effort
Answered 9 years ago

Stay true to yourself. You can only attract the right people by doing so. It takes a lot of strength to keep treating people well when you get far less in return. Keep being genuine! x
Answered 9 years ago

You are not a sucker. It's hard to tell what exactly is going on without more information, but consider this: Are you nice to other people because you expect them to return your kindness? Or are you just nice for the joy of making other people happy? I can only offer my own experience, so if this doesn't apply to you then disregard what I'm saying. Because I've struggled with social anxiety since I was very young, I've always had trouble asking for what I wanted directly. Instead, I would try to get my needs met in indirect ways, such as by being nice to people (offering them help, lending them money, always agreeing with what they say, etc.), hoping that if I work hard to please them and never upset them, they would return all the favors. We all have needs and wants, but I've learned that if you're trying to get other people to respond to your needs by being nice to them, it only leads to disappointment. Because if I don't communicate my needs, others won't even be aware that I have them, then I'd get disappointed that I seem to be the only one giving and being nice, and not getting much in return. So I'd say don't stop being nice to others, but at the same time feel free to ask for what you want directly. I'm thinking that might help you, since you're saying that "the nicer you are, the less they help you", which implies that there's something you need (a caring friend, someone to listen to you or whatever), but aren't getting. You are the only one responsible for getting what you want, so don't hesitate about asking for it.
Answered 8 years ago

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