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Desperate for Relationship Anxiety Advice

My anxiety surrounding my relationship is becoming unbearable; I am crippled by it. I am away at school and my boyfriend lives about an hour away. When I got to school, I missed him so much and was so lonely. Now that I have settled in, I am okay. But in the last couple months when he is not here with me, I get so anxious about our relationship. There is no particular reason, but I have anxiety attacks that end in my crying and wanting to end this relationship to feel some relief. I have gone down that road, but the relief was temporary. When he is here with me, it's as if none of these problems exist and my anxiety backs off. What is going on? I can't tell the difference between my anxiety and reality. I just don't know how to handle it and I'm desperate. I don't want to end this relationship, but it feels as if that is what my obsessive, racing thoughts are driving me to do. I don't want to live this way. Can anyone give me advice, or at least relate? Please.
Category: Anxiety 8 years ago
anabelnickerson
Asked 8 years ago

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First you should try to determine what it is about the relationship that is making you anxious. Is it a trust issue or do you just miss being with him? If you feel that you & he are good together then it isn't the relationship, it's the anxiety and that is what you need to learn to cope with. We all get lonely when we are away from those we love. Phone calls help, but it isn't like actually being there. Have you spoken to your doctor about your anxiety? It's a good start & perhaps there is a therapist at school that you might be able to speak with.
karenz
Answered 8 years ago
karenz

Have you considered that you have issues with Attachment Anxiety, AKA Abandonment Anxiety AKA Separation Anxiety Disorder? I don't know much about it, but i recommend you check it out. It was included in the DSM V in 2013, and you can read more about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Separation_anxiety_disorder or in the guide DSM V itself. "DSM V" is short for "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition"
Sidnei
Answered 8 years ago
Sidnei

Sounds like an insecurity thing. Maybe the next time you 2 are together you should make some kinda of "promise" sign a contract, verbal oath, promise rings, whatever, just something so that you know he's not going anywhere!
lexieannlak
Answered 8 years ago
lexieannlak

I am the EXACT same way. My panic attacks are always me freaking out and crying. I try as little as possible to let him know but honestly you NEED to tell him about it. you NEED to be able to talk to him. This is my problem now. my boyfriend gets mad because i can't talk to him when I feel sooooo lonely and freak out. He tells me all the time "you need to be able to talk to me about this I'm your boyfriend" I am slowing trying to tell him but at the same time he does not understand. I have noticed that when I talk to him about it he tells me I'm okay and he loves me and I feel a little better and can control my feelings somewhat. We are in the same boat girly. You can talk to me anytime about this because I know. <3
chrystalrose
Answered 8 years ago
chrystalrose

I have never had a relationship or anything even close. My panic attacks and anxiety are at an all-time high. I have been drug-free for three years now. However I do agree with chrystalrose, the more you talk to him about your issues the better you will feel. If he doesn't listen or even want to understand, then maybe he is not the right one for you. To me that is a major red flag. I could never be in a relationship with anyone that doesn't understand my symptoms, which is why I haven't been because no one has understood. So I am better off by myself. There is a major difference between being lonely and being alone. Yes I do get lonely but also I would rather be by myself than be around someone who doesn't understand. Good luck to all of you.
luvspanks2
Answered 8 years ago
luvspanks2

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