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Trust issues?

Okay so this is a general question, because I need some opinions to show a friend. But I want to know: If I have had my trust abused for my entire life by people I call friends (such as they act friendly when they want something, but pretend not to know me otherwise) is it really unreasonable that I feel cautious about trusting anybody now? I told my friend that even though I will help her if she needs it, that she shouldn't mistake my kindness for foolishness, because I had problems trusting people fully, because of my past experiences. She then made the issue all about herself and how offended she was that "the fact that (I) put (her) on the same level as other people kind of hurts"... Basically, instead of even trying to understand where I was coming from, she flipped the issue around and made it about herself and how offended she was. All I want to know is.. what is right and wrong here? Am I right to be careful who I fully put my trust in, or am I wrong to call someone my friend if I don't fully trust them? At the same time, is she right that it's offensive of me to "put her on the same level as other people" or is she wrong to try and flip the issue into being about how me having trust issues is offensive to her?
Category: Anxiety 3 years ago
Matt
Asked 3 years ago

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I'm the same way. I keep people at a distance. I count myself lucky because I know that I can fully trust my family. This is enough for me. However, I keep all friends at a distance. I will be there for them 100% but I tell them very little about what is going on with me, I share that information with a counselor or family member. When I really need to let things out or share something I am finding that an online network with anonymity such as this one helps too. Also I learned something from one of my counselors that really helped. Take nothing personally and leave all expectations at the door. This hard to follow but with practice it you realize it can be done. Does that mean I don't take things personally ever or I never expect anything of anyone? No. Sometimes I do fall back into my old ways of feeling responsible over someone's feelings but I remind myself that they are doing the best they can just as I am and that how they feel is about where ever they are in life.
geekgrl
Answered 3 years ago
geekgrl

It's totally reasonable to be cautious after having multiple bad experiences but I really think we shouldn't tell that to the people who care about us , It really hurts when you say to someone that you don't trust while He or She really cares about you . Trust is just like a wall you build one by one , you can't just trust anyone to the max since the first few times , Always keep a space for yourself & put in your consideration that people may change & won't be around you in some point . This will make you more comfortable when people let you down
MegaStorm
Answered 3 years ago
MegaStorm

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