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Trouble controlling ruminating thoughts about past relationship

I'm having a lot of trouble getting over my past relationship. It lasted about 5 years on and off, full of break ups and jealously about other partners and getting back together, extremely toxic. At the end of the relationship I was weaning off medication, which I now realized my ex convinced me to do (yes f**ed up I know), she wanted to take care of me through the healing process. I was very weak and started developing agoraphobia and turned into half the person I used to be, she got sick of taking care of me (surprise), and left me and moved out state, moving on quickly, sleeping with multiple people weeks after the break and going on with her life as if I had never existed. I am getting better and starting to finally become myself again, but it has been 10 months and I still feel a lot of pain in my heart. I still have ruminating thoughts about how I'm not good enough for her, and by association anyone. I keep replaying all of the wrongs I had in the relationship, and not allowing myself to see any good and move on. As a result I've become pretty bitter and don't have much love in my life at all anymore, I've cut off most of my friends, and have not spent time any time dating since the ruminating thoughts keep me from seeing anyone until I "improve myself". Has anyone come out of a hurtful relationship like this, and taken a little longer than usual to heal? Any tips on stopping the ruminating thoughts? I'm tired of beating myself up, I know I'm a good person but my anxieties sometimes keep me from seeing that.
Category: Anxiety 3 years ago
Asked 3 years ago

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While my situation was different then yours by a bit, the end result was about the same. I came out of a bad relationship of 2 years, I cut out my friend and family, I also struggled along time with self harm because of it. While now I realize that it was not my fault I blamed my self for things getting like they did and I felt like a horrid person and it would be better for others if I stopped talking to them and close myself off. This was a really dark time for me, one in which I just now am getting out of. I had the help of 2 people that care about me and helped me realize that Im not a bad person, and that its ok, yes it takes a bit longer to heal, but closing yourself off from friends and family will just make it worse, I found it helpful to talk about it with others, that understand and care. so just hang in there, things will get better :)
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Answered 3 years ago
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