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am i a bad person?

every couple of weeks, i have an intense fear that i'm a pedophile. i've talked to a therapist about this, who said that it was definitely intrusive thoughts (pure OCD w/out compulsions) and that the fact i haven't ever acted inappropriately with a child means that, odds are, i'm not a pedophile. i still can't shake the feeling though. the thought of oral sex with a young child literally forces itself into my head. i honestly don't know if i'm disgusted by the idea or not, even though i'm in a committed relationship with an adult (have been for years) and don't feel like this all the time, only every few weeks or even months/years. on days when i do think about it, suicide definitely presents itself as an option. i'm honestly not sure what my next step is, and i really need some honest guidance/help. thanks!
Category: OCD one year ago
worryingem
Asked one year ago

I am sure others on here can relate to having intrusive thoughts. I had similar thoughts when I was much younger that were tied to the abuse I experienced when I was a child. I just knew that I could never act on them and now being in therapy has made me recognize that it was just fall-out from the abuse.
judgementday
Answered one year ago
judgementday

You're not a bad person, man. One of the symptoms of OCD is the recurrence of highly disturbing, sexual/violent or whatever thoughts. You're obsessing not only over the thoughts themselves, but also with whether you're actually disturbed by them or not (as in "Oh no, what if I'm not disgusted by this? What if I actually like this stuff???"). It's not you, it's your OCD and you can get help for that.
Chris730
Answered one year ago
Chris730

thanks for these answers! sometimes it's hard to believe that i'm the only person who has this issue, especially when it involves thoughts like this. and you're totally right - the obsession is mostly that "oh, no..." piece.
worryingem
Answered one year ago
worryingem

and i thought i was the only one! i always had thoughts that i would end up shooting a school, and it scared me to think that i was into it (on a participatory level). i didn't even think i had ocd, though i knew i obsessed over my thoughts.
pukingdopa
Answered 8 months ago
pukingdopa

Hi there! I had similar intrusive and disturbing thoughts lately, about a month after having a panic attack and I will still experiencing high anxiety, somehow I developed these thoughts. One of the thoughts that presented itself to me was incest, I almost had a panic attack about it. Now I still think about it everyday but they got easier to deal with. I also think about hurting myself and others but I never acted on it. I suggest you desensitize yourself by being around children. Perhaps ask a friend to accompany you if you dont feel up to doing it alone. You are not a bad person, just an obsessive thinker.
Janna
Answered 8 months ago
Janna

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