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Has anyone else had a complete mental breakdown, and have fear it will reoccur?

While I was in college, my dad was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. I wasn't living at home, and I was having long commutes everyday to my classes (over 3 hours on the road). In addition to that, I had a part-time job where I didn't feel I was being appreciated. After my dad passed, I thought I was coping well. I continued on for about a week without any real problems. But, one day, I woke up and I couldn't understand where I was, or who I was supposed to be (I knew I was supposed to be someone, just no idea who). Everything was foreign to me (I couldn't understand what the digits on my alarm clock meant). I suffered a complete mental breakdown and was lost to the world. After years of treatment and my mom's loving care, I'm finally on the road to recovery, albeit very slowly. As I slowly try to rebuild my life, I feel a constant tug at my psyche, like a small dog wanting attention, pawing the back of your leg. It feels like at any moment, I could lose everything again, and this time... I won't recover. This fear gnaws at me, threatening to loosen my resolve. Is anyone else going through something similar?
Category: Depression 9 months ago
DarkXavier
Asked 9 months ago

Hi. Not exactly. But many years ago something did happen to me that I considered a breakdown. I never saw a doctor about it. I just sort of gathered back my senses over time. But what I experienced was not as intense as you described. I remember walking into my brother's room. I was somewhere around 18 years old. I sat down on a couch, and it seemed like my head became chopped at the neck. Not in reality, but in effect. I passed out. When I awoke, I started trying to communicate my thoughts visually. I recall lining tea cups up on the back of the stove and stacking them in a particular order; as if someone was going to interpret what that meant. At one point, I grabbed two full milk jugs, one in each hand, and carried them outside, down to the front walk near the trash bins, and back. There is a rectory directly across the street from the house where I grew up. Having a church and rectory across the street was always bizarre to begin with. But with my behavior at this time, it was particularly creepy. One imagines the priests' prayers casting evicted spirits about the neighborhood. Who knows where those things end up? Anyway, I was in my own way reaching out to the people around me for help. Over the next three days I spent a lot of time with my mom, drinking cups of hot tea. I live in the United States, but my father was from England, so we always drank hot tea. Yes, I probably did wonder if it would ever happen again. It didn't, fortunately. I have experienced anxiety attacks, but not that.
TerrenceMcNulty
Answered 9 months ago
TerrenceMcNulty

I have panic disorder, bipolar and am getting assessed for aspien tendencies (XD). my understanding of any condition is that you won't ever be 'cured', Your life goal is management. This means you can let go of fear, understand that you've been through it and recovered to where you are and if you relapse you will be able to recover again. I worry about my nocturnal panic disorder getting as bad as it did but even now when I feel the symptoms building I find it much better to focus on the idea of riding the wave and experiencing things in the moment and know that it will pass.
Anxietyavatar
Answered 8 months ago
Anxietyavatar

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