Episode 3: Like many others, I quit taking my meds. This was around May 2007, shortly after I felt "fine". By October the panic attacks came back as badly as before and I could barely keep my job. In December, right before christmas, my boyfriend broke up with me and my anxiety sky-rocketed. I went back to the doctor and was put back on my medication and started seeing a therapist. I was able to get it under control by June of 2009. I stopped therapy. Like many others, I hate therapy. I have never been able to find one I like, even today. I think what helped me the most was getting back into writing and getting a cat. My beautiful Hera is still with me.
Episode 4: So, onward with my story. In 2010 I decided the best place for me was back "home", Lincoln, NE. I was ready to start living my life again and I felt that was where I needed to be. I moved back and got a job (which I still have). A month into it I broke two bones in my right leg. I was on disability for two months and still have 2 plates and 16 screws in it. Needless to say that put a damper on starting a new life. But I slowly was able to use my leg again and about a year later moved into my own apartment. It was actually the first one I had by myself since the fire, 10 years earlier. A new boyfriend moved in, which I do regret, but these things happen. By September we broke up. Though this did trigger my third (or fourth) episode in anxiety, I think it was an improvement. I'm much better when I'm by myself and FINALLY feel like my life is starting again. Though it did leave me in a horrible financial situation that I'm still trying to recover from. The anxiety took months to hit me, just like in 2008/2009.
((switching to present tense here)). I've been taking my meds still but it feels like they aren't working anymore. About a month ago, (months overdue), I went to my doctor. They increased 2 of my meds. The fluoxetine for anxiety, and ampitryptiline for migraines (another wonderful disorder I have). I have troubles eating. The worst part about my anxiety is I have troubles swallowing, so eating naturally is difficult. I have these problems when I'm by myself or around others. But, of course, it bothers me more when I'm around others. At home I don't care how crazy I look trying to eat. I am writing, and even singing (not performing), but nothing seems to be helping right now. I know I just need to give it more time. I'm taking all the correct steps (except finding a therapist but I do plan on getting to that) so perhaps it is only a matter of time. Hera is still there for me, and now I have another cat, Isis, as well. I hope my financial situation will be better by July and that will take some stress off of me, but unfortunately I don't think I'll be caught up on bills until then. Thanks to FMLA I still have my job. I'm just now starting a new position, a processing job rather than phone customer service, so I hope that will help as well. I am starting to exercise more, but I'm sure it will be awhile until I feel I am really in a routine with it.
At this point I'm not sure what to say. I was forced to go home today from work due to a migraine. The doctors think that if we can get my anxiety under control the migraines will decrease to a more manageable state. We'll see.