So Its been 61 days without having any kind of Panic or Anxiety Attack for me. (I know this because I made a post back than here, and it says 61 days ago ^^)
Because this is a huge achivement for me (before that time, there wasn`t a single week without at least some small anxiety attacks) I decided to write down my thoughts on what made my symptoms dissapear.
Basically what happend was that I got pretty sick exactly that day I got this last and also worst panic attack. (I cant say if it was a coincidence or not) After one week of sickness I was hospitalized because I pretty much couldn`t feel my body chest downwards anymore. After some really rough days, things finally became better again, and day after day I got my feelings and strength back until I was pretty much recovered after an month after the outbreak.
The main thing i figured out that is different now, to the time I had attacks, is that I dont wanna change myself anymore. I always wanted to change my personality, wanted to be more outgoing, more extroverted and especially not anxious, and it just didnt work out. This created a huge pressure, I always tried harder and harder. Tried to prove myself to me and others, which possibly created my attacks in the end.
Now I have simply accepted the way I am and that there is no need to feel bad for beeing like I am, even though my personality is somewhat different from the mass. This acceptence of myself defenitly has been created during the really bad days in the beginning of my disease.
With that pressure gone or at least decreased to a minimum, life feels a lot easier now. I find it a lot more easy to do exactly the things I like, and not feeling bad or ashamed about it, nor beeing affected by the opinion of others. Also I dont feel bad about beeing myself anymore, therfore I dont feel the need anymore to impress others.
With all these factors gone, or at least decreased my panic and anxiety attacks also dissapeared.
This is at least how I think about it. Dont get me wrong I still wanna grow in terms of personality and so, but the approach is very different.
Back than I was unhappy with myself and simply tried to be somebody I am not. i put on a mask to hide my real self if you will.
Now I am happy with the way things are even if they are not perfect, and am trying to grow from this point. Slowly but consistently, like a tree building a solid trunk :)
At this point i wanna thank you all guys for your the help you gave me and will give me, you really are an awesome community. I also have to thank my therapist, who helped me tremendously in my Anxiety process, and of course my family. :)
I still have a long path before me, but now i feel good about it and now that I am on the right path.
Accepting myself and my personality and not wanting to change anymore and beeing somebody different made my anxiety and panic attacks dissapear.