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2/1/14- My first day

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I am so tired of worrying all day every day. Today wasn't as bad as the others but still not good. I am so paralyzed by the fear of something being wrong with me that I just stand back and watch as happy people live their lives without a care in the world. Today it was the fact that I have rough dry patches of skin, occuring genetically, but I of course see it as a problem with my thyroid. I also have headaches. Being the rational person I am, I was seeing it as a tumor or the all dreaded big C. I want so badly for their to be nothing wrong that I am wasting my days sitting on google and aging substantially. My face and body breaking out. I have so many aches and pains, but not because I'm sick, but because I do nothing but panic alll day. I've had anxiety since a very young age. Thinking that something bad will happen if I thought it, or even said it. I found solice in knocking on wood and chanting.  I still find solice in my old ripped up Winnie the Pooh pillow that I got when I was 3. It has been here with me through all of my hard times and fears, not that my family hasn't been but I feel like they don't truly understand how hard it is to be me. To be this person who is crippled by fear from the time she wakes up ,to the time she goes to bed. I'm crying as I right this. Nobody but my family knows the extent of my OCD/ Anxiety and Hypochrondia.I find it hard to share this personal information with all of you, but since this is a place full of people like me, I feel okay, slightly nervous, but okay.

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