After living inside at my parents house, without leaving the door due to an anxiety disorder/agoraphobia, for about 5 years (between 2004 and 2009) I went to live on my own. Since then I've had my ups and downs. But I've been recovering and everything went uphill... Until...
In 2013 I've been the victim of two cases of assault/physical abuse and threat. This has affected my recovery so much that I have become an anxious person and I've been diagnosed with PTSD.
Right now I'm reintegrating in society (especially when it comes to work) and seeing my psychologist on a weekly basis and it should help me to deal with all the negative things that happen to me.
Leave a comment or write me if you've suffered the same and how you plan to overcome your ordeal. I'm very curious!
Greetings from The Netherlands,
"If it's hysterical, it's historical." - Words to remember when freaking out. My former therapist used this phrase to explain to me how far back the anxiety and panic response goes. It wasn't until I began EMDR therapy that I began to understand exactly how true those words are.
EMDR is an amazing form of treatment that is slowly gaining attention in the larger world thanks to the power of Google. EMDR is: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprogramming. In a nut shell it helps you build new neuro-pathways in your brain which allows old, negative pathways to grow over. Picture your brain as a forest. If you walk the same way day after day, you will create a path. EMDR allows you to see, in your minds eye, all the stops along that pathway. What will blow your mind is how seemingly random the events that created that path appear. By bringing these old, buried memories to the surface of your conscious mind you are able to process them and take the power of negativity away from them.
You are then able to build new, healthy, happy pathways by flooding your brain with powerful, sensory memories of a time in your life when things were wonderful. Eventually, like any other trail, when your old pathways go unused, nature will reclaim itself and those old pathways will heal over. This is also why positive affirmations work. Because by repeating something over and over it eventually wears a pathway, affirmations are great, but it can take a long time to get results whereas with EMDR you have a direct line to your subconscious. EMDR is used to treat trauma but can also be used for just about anything you can think of.
In my case, EMDR blew my mind. I experienced it in my mid-twenties with my first therapist. I was nearly phobic of travel but really wanted to see my godmother and cousins who lived in Mexico. My brother and I planned a trip together and I was desperate to ensure my panic disorder wouldn't stop me from having a good time. I did the EMDR once and seriously had the best trip I have ever had. We climbed pyramids and ruin sites, we went into Mexico City and shopped, ate at awesome restaurants, and all without a hint of anxiety or panic. I became a believer of EMDR.
More recently, in the past year and a half I switched from my traditional therapist to another EMDR therapist. This EMDR experience was much deeper and more intense than my first one because I had a whole new decades worth of trauma, hurt, panic, and pain to dig through. It was hard. EMDR is serious. You will feel exhausted and wonky after a session. You will be more sensitive because you have literally dragged your subconscious into the light of intense examination and that feels awful a lot of the time.
Nobody ever tells you this so I'm going to - Growth and Change - the biggies that everyone wants? Feel awful. AWFUL. When they are happening. It is in the moments of struggle and hopelessness that we experience true growth. Lasting change. Intimacy. All of those things come from being vulnerable. We, however, are hardwired to avoid pain.
We're taught that pain is bad, we should make it go away as fast as possible. I challenge you to stay in the moment next time you find yourself trying to shut down when things get uncomfortable. See if you can allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're experiencing and name it: Fear, Guilt, Shame, Anxiety, Panic, Hurt, Worthless, Angry, Awkward, Silly, Stupid, Sad, Frustrated, whatever.
Feel it. Feel it and see - your feelings will not eat you up, you are not what you feel, you are separate from your emotions. Just because you feel worthless or guilty doesn't mean you are either of those things. It means that you are experiencing them and you have a responsibility to yourself (and your loved ones) to find the root of those feelings and make peace with it.
|I couldn't have said it better myself.|
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that has often been misunderstood and stereotyped. When an individual experiences a significant stressful traumatic event the body will typically respond through the development of post-traumatic stress disorder. This response is healthy and normal in the short term. Post-traumatic disorder is a normal response for a person who has experienced a traumatic event in their life. Trauma is something that cannot be prepared for and comes into a person’s life unexpectedly. In an instant, a person’s world can be completely changed and the stability that was once there can be quickly lost. Individuals that have experienced trauma will experience post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms as they try to cope with and manage their traumatic experience. It is important that individuals that have experienced trauma understand that their symptoms are normal and that their experience of a trauma is what is abnormal.
Post-traumatic stress disorder is characterized by having symptoms related to re-experiencing of the trauma, heightened awareness, increased anxiety levels, avoidance, irritability, substance abuse, and depression. There are many symptoms that individuals can develop who have PTSD. Every person with this disorder will respond to their trauma experience uniquely and will have symptoms that are unique to them as well.
Individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder are at a significantly increased risk of the development of other psychological disorders and addiction than the general population. The majority of the time an individual that experiences a trauma will develop post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms and recover from them on their own without the need of significant intervention. Humans are extremely resilient and with time and support individuals can often times overcome great trauma and come out the other side even stronger than they were before. However, for some individuals, the weight of their traumatic experience can overwhelm them. Their post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms can persist and the development of additional anxiety disorders can emerge as well. Depression and anxiety are the most common disorders that have been shown to emerge from post-traumatic stress disorder in individuals.
When an individual experiences a traumatic event the body responds to the significant trauma by producing cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone in the body that is used in the stress response system. In the short term the releasing of cortisol is an adaptive response because it provides the body with the energy that it needs to participate in a “fight or flight” response. This allows people to feel reduced amounts of pain, increased physical ability, and a heightened awareness of the world around them. However, over time, if a stressor continues to be present in an individual, this release of cortisol can become maladaptive. Interventions for PTSD must focus on the reduction of cortisol levels in the body and the reduction of stress. Cortisol levels in the body can be adjusted through the use of medications. If the levels of cortisol are not reduced it can be extremely difficult for an individual with PTSD to overcome their symptoms and disorder.