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Displaying items by tag: earworm

Wednesday, 14 October 2015 02:32

Every Song Ends

I really feel a difference since I have moved the bedroom back it its original room in the house.  Realized that I might have been waking up a bit too much from the woman upstairs walking so hard and heavy on the ground... I mean wow her man walks lighter than her - well he is lighter...  A new mom too..  Instead of feeling angry , I have to remember we all have our own problems.Anyways -point being where my room was before there is no part of anyones apartment above it.. I moved it before cause the man next door was blasting his bass but that has long stopped.. I feel much stress with the apartment I live in.. So many tenants in and out that have been major drug addicts or truely insane...   

Just need to remind myself that at the moment the guy next door that once gave me hell got in trouble for all he was doing and now is quiet and respectful.   He has been in and out of jail - has PTSD - 54 year old veteran of war from N. Carolina.  Talks to himself and does drugs. He tried to be territorial then was put in his place by management.. Its just a fourplex but I really have a tendancy to let other people get under my skin. If they dont like me I can obsess on it forever...  I was raised not to care what anyone thinks.  So sometimes we do the opposite of what we were raised to do!  I overly care and its adding up at my age... Its giving me panic , stress and songs stuck in loops in my head..  

 

Yes it might be time to move but just like many other Americans I have bad credit, low income and not a dime saved in a saving account...  I live paycheck to paycheck but moving is just another way of running away from a problem.. I also lived in this place with a abuser/alchoholic for almost four years. There are still some visible holes in the walls but I have a loving man in my life for almost a year now. He lives here and I feel like the PTSD from my past relationship is coming out now.. I mean why didnt songs run through my head when I lived with the jerk?  Doesnt make sense other than possible delayed response.  

I have so many fears I am facing.. Like trusting and loving again , accepting and forgiving the past and loving myself in the now.  Use guided meditations every night and have had three good nights of sleep after months of waking up to pounding feet..    

 

 

SOMETHING DIFFERENT TODAY: I wake up to go the the bathroom once in night ( used to be three times) and also wake up to turn over. I noticed that the same song was not in my head- each time I woke up it was different and that nagging song for almost three days ( I dare not write it down) was taken up by a different song.  I hope its breaking up and going away!!   What the heck!    

 

Published in Diary

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