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Jennifer Kim

Jennifer Kim

Trying to overcome GAD and MD .... taking it one day at a time. Feel free to add me as a friend.
Sunday, 30 September 2012 09:30

Updates and thoughts

Where to begin.... its been three months since I was diagnosed with GAD and MD. Though the MD is gone and the GAD goes from ok to severe to not around sometimes, I have since lost my job due to the GAD which hurt me greatly and made the GAD worse and brought back the MD. I started to question if I would ever get back to being the best in what I do. I had a dream job and I lost it all, home , work and friends. I had to move back home to CA from NV to live with my parents since losing my job. I have been fighting and speaking with labor boards to see what I can do. I have won my case and now I am being pushed to go after the company for compensation, pain and suffering and loss of all assets. 26 weeks of part time pay is good enough for me but should I really fight just to make a point? I can fight for my job back from what I am told but then they wouldnt be able to touch me for any reason at all. Though I would love to have my job that would mean being alone in NV, no family ... yeah my friends will be there but the only family I had was my aunt and she left to return to ca as well. I will have someone hovering over me as they did before and be picked on by quality or management for any stupid reason and I know that will not help my GAD because thats how it got worse to begin with. Yeah sue and get a lump some but I am not really a greedy person. I am conflicted in what I should do. Fight so the company learns to no longer take advantage of those suffering any medical condition. I know for a fact I am not the only one this happened to so should I push and get the ball rolling for others to follow and defend themselves..... I am so lost in what I should do.

Tuesday, 14 August 2012 14:43

Triggers and Fear

Well this to be honest, I was hesitant on doing. Guess I fear even the thoughts of others as well as my own. I have been struggling with GAD and MD the last three months and have been this past month working with doctor and therapist to work through it. Therapist recommended I stay home from work for two weeks but yeah can't afford to do that so only took a week off. Primary doctor put me on effexor and attivan which I had a bad reaction to the effexor xr. I am now back on the effexor tablets and now on xannax  which knock me out. Seems as though my anxiety hits the worst when I dont sleep but yet I am not sleeping because of the anxiety. The depression I have learned to get past but the anxiety is kicking me in the rear. Its my first day back to work today in about a week and I have had no sleep. Heart is racing, jaw tightening and hands are shaking. One of my triggers happens to be my boss whom hounds me to answers as to why I am not myself the last three months. He is new and has no management experience but really.... is it really needed to hound me. In my head im screaming do your homework fool and google what my condition is and yet I put on a fake smile, stay professional and just say I dont know but I am seeking help. My mind is running a million miles and hour.... where did my off switch go. I want to cry and I am to old to feel like this. Its like that first day at school you dreaded as a child and cried when your mom left you feeling. This is so out of character for me and I guess the anxiety is only getting worse because I have no Idea why it hit me out of the blue. I am scared this anxiety will never go away. I feel helpless, defeated and just lost in my own mind.

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